EOS: season of forgiveness

I'm going to follow Dr Crazy's example and start forgiving myself things during this End of Semester (EOS):

1. The messy state of our house. (And more specifically the grungy state of the bathroom, which I know would only take me 30 minutes to deal with but I just haven't found those 30 minutes lying around anywhere.)
   
2. The fact that I didn't make it to yoga or the gym today, even though I wanted to. I did, however, walk with the dogs for almost 2 hours (two separate walks) and mowed the yard.
   
3. The patchy scrubbiness of our grass in front, the gaping expanse of dirt in the back yard, and the twiggy remains of two small bushes (plants?) that died last summer. I have never pretended to be somebody who knows anything about outdoor plants or who even cares about them. If it were really our house we'd zeroscape it if I got to pick. (We're renters so every month I feel yard shame when Landlord comes by for the check.)
   
4. The fact that Sudoku is my new best friend for Faculty Council meetings.
5. My underpreparedness for tomorrow, and the next day.
   
6. Having only done one of my book orders so far for next term.
7. The fact that despite my overloaded work state, I have managed to watch one TV show every night this week. (We taped Invasion tonight, and are working our way thru a DVD of Veronica Mars, which we'd never seen on real TV.)
8. My boring blog.
   
9. The breakout on my chin.
10. The fact that it is 1 in the morning and I still have work to do. And what am I doing? See #8.
    

Monday, Monday

Well, the evil virus has left my body. Thank goodness. But I had a cranky Monday anyway, faced with the awful feeling of being way behind on everything.

My grant application is done! and so are my taxes. (woo. hoo.) But the grading fairies didn't stop by to magically take care of the bibliographies I have to evaluate, nor to read the Master's theses weighing down my bag. Yup, it's End-of-Spring Semester. Which is way crazier than End-of-Fall. Thesis meetings, committee meetings, committee election meetings, merit review meetings, and meetings of the committee on committees. (Which hasn't yet held a meeting on meetings, but I'm sure it's on the agenda somewhere.) Everyone is distracted, ready to be done with all of this. (Except possibly my Chair, who thrives in departmental bylaws meetings like a vampire feeding on blood.) Maybe it's graduation looming, maybe it's spring pollen, maybe it's the bare skin exposed everywhere. Or maybe our semester is just 1 or 2 weeks too long?

when reality bites...

Well, I made it partway through my ambitious weekend list. I've made good progress on my grant apps and the laundry, and the dogs had two long walks yesterday. But now we are all piled on the bed feeling kind of punk. GF sprained her ankle badly Friday night and has to keep it elevated. And then, starting last night, I seem to have picked up some kind of stomachy bug. I'm just uncomfortable enough (fever, multiple trips to the bathroom) to feel cranky and distracted. Plus I'm achey so sitting at my desk really isn't a comfortable option. So, blessings once again to my Chair for granting me the use of a laptop. But my dream of cleaning up the house, managing all my work, and exercising heavily just isn't going to come true this weekend.

But on the good side: I get to hang out with my family who are all very sympathetic to my plight. Speedy has her head resting on my feet as I type this, and the Boss is curled on GF's pillow. They are kind of tired out after hunting for new dog toys in the yard this morning. . . I hid some rubber balls and new squeaky toys and they loved it. We may have to institute Toy Hunts for other holidays as well...

the list

on my list for the weekend:

• write two small grant applications
• prepare and file my taxes
• attempt long-procrastinated revisions on article
• grade and comment on student bibliographies
• post stuff on the department's website
• do 5 loads of laundry (2 down already!)
• vaccum and mop the floors
• clean the bathroom
• take many dog walks
• take little blogging breaks
• get to yoga
• go to the gym

Friends with Money

I took yesterday as a day off, the first Friday I'd been able to avoid the office for a long while. My gf and I took the dogs to the dog park, went out to lunch, and even made it to the movies, where we saw Friends with Money, the new film from Nicole Holofcener, who previously did Walking & Talking and Lovely and Amazing. Since character-driven ensemble dramas are among my favorite types of film, and this one includes Catherine Keener, Frances McDormand, and Joan Cusack in it, I had high expectations and they were all satisfied. The film focuses on four 40ish women friends in LA, and their assorted husbands, careers, children, boyfriends, etc. It's not a comedy, though there are some humorous moments -- it's really more of a character piece. There are bittersweet moments, angry moments, sad and funny parts. I suppose it's part of the whole "40 is the new 30" thing (someone I know actually heard someone say that recently) so that 40-somethings can now in our culture be portrayed as trying to figure out their lives in the way that 15 years ago it was the 30somethings. If you have husband and house and money but you're still not happy, what do you do? If you don't have those things, does it mean you're not going ever to be happy? How do you balance individual happiness against the larger issues in the world -- in your family, your neighborhood, your city, the planet? Each of the women has a different approach to these questions.

One of the truest things in the movie I thought was how we often use other people's lives as a distraction from our own, or as a way to make ourselves feel better. So one couple are having a conversation about depression that isn't really going anywhere -- and then they'll say "well what about Christine? can you believe that...". The film neatly shows us this happening and, I think, offers the viewers the chance to self-reflect a little bit, to consider how we ourselves are inevitably using the characters in the film as emotional or social yardsticks (well, I'd never be as rude as that; my partner is better than hers; but I'm not as succesful as she is). It's entertaining but substantive as well. The reasons why I like this movie are sort of the same reasons I like reading so-called "personal" blogs -- glimpses into other lives that help you understand better the whole messy picture of being human.

which era is it?

You know those magazine ads for Microsoft Office that show dinosaurs in business suits? Today I could see those dino-heads sitting around the table in our conference room during a department faculty meeting. Yup, it's curriculum review time. Time to bring out the same arguments that have been waged up and down these halls apparently since 1961 (the earliest date that was brought into conversation today).

Best worst moment: someone made a motion which she herself labelled "troglodytic" which was seconded by at least four other colleagues.

geekery

I just discovered that if you want to check out recently published tech and computing books, like Julie's new blogging book, you can read them through a ProQuest database called Safari Tech Books Online.

bee irritated

In a comment thread at Julie's about Starbucks, a couple of people mentioned the irritating advertising for the upcoming film Akeelah and the Bee which was co-produced by Starbucks Entertainment. I'm equally irritated by the general sense of overload produced by all the signs and coasters that litter the store I frequent. To state in the advertising material that a film is "inspirational" is enough to make me definitely NOT see it. And I'm still not convinced that an entertainment production company is an obvious linkage with the coffee empire. The music CDs made some kind of sense, in that SBX plays music in the stores and some people want to create the same ambience at home. But are they going to serve lattes in the movie theater? That actually would be awesome, since only some of our local theaters offer coffee at the concession stand. But I don't think that's the case here. Judging from the promotional materials on their website, they think this film expresses values that SBX wants to invoke in its customers. Blech.

But my irritation isn't just about the clutter, or the tenuous connection between coffee and a film about children. It's also about the cultural fuss about spelling bees. After all, from the description, this film seems like a mash-up of Spellbound and Bee Season with a little dash of Oprah sentiment thrown in. Now, that documentary and novel each had its strengths and weaknesses. But do we really need more? Plus, there already was a film made from Bee Season (which I haven't seen).

What I find irritating is that spelling bees, and their participants, tend to be presented in the media as amusing/touching examples of nerdiness. Spellbound, for instance, tended to emphasize the ways in which the champion spellers were misfits in their schools, either through their looks, their singleminded devotion to spelling, or their behavior. The spelling bee then becomes this redemptive space where the nerds can finally get prizes too. Because in modern American culture the only way anyone gets any social status is through sports or game-show type models of competition.

There are so many things that I find irritating about this. First of all -- spelling has nothing to do with intelligence, any more than one's ability to pitch a ball corresponds to overall physical health. Sure, some spellers are smart; but some are not. And there are plenty of smart people who can't spell. And we all know about how unhealthy some baseball players are.

Secondly -- if you want to applaud or sympathise with smart nerdy kids -- who are discriminated against and harassed on a daily basis in school -- then find better examples. Sure, they're not so easy to cheer on, because their interests and activities don't conform to a "win-all or lose" paradigm. They're awkward, eccentric, interesting, complicated, and unique. To hold up a few students who are good at memorizing stuff as if they are the ideal for all intelligent people is itself a dumbing-down strategy that tries to make Joe Ordinary feel better. Since coffeeshops are some of the few public spaces left where nerdy people can feel comfortable -- where it's OK to read a book or stare at the computer -- it seems all the more annoying to me that this film is SBX's first choice. To put a word like "pulchritude" on a coaster and make Joe Java Ordinary feel smug because he recognizes it hardly makes the world a better place.

a walking tale

An acquaintance of mine recently said to me that she was glad they had installed a new taller fence around their yard. They wanted more privacy from the neighbors, but she in particular felt that now she was free to play with their dog without feeling self-conscious. I felt both glad for her about the fence, but also sad that she cared so much that it had hampered her play heretofore. For me, one of the many lessons I've learned from our dogs is to let go of self-consciousness. Plus, of course, it helps to be getting older. There are a lot of things I just don't care about as much as when I was younger. This is not to say I'm not self-conscious in certain situations -- being shy, over-educated, and having been raised by parents who were class and cultural outsiders means that I am hyper-aware of myself when I have to deal with the extremely wealthy, or in spaces like suburbia.

But being with The Boss and Speedy frees me from all awkwardness, since they really don't care. They want only to spend time with me. We play elaborate games of "Chase Speedy with the ball" and "Boss's Tugfest" in our yard, with rules and conventions that have developed over time. If my neighbors see me running and playing, who cares? It actually has never even crossed my mind.

When walking with the dogs, I often carry on some running commentary or conversations with them about what we see, how they're acting, etc. Some of it is along the lines of "leave that dead bird alone" and some of it is more personal and nonsensical. I sing little madeup rhymes to them and just have fun. (I do realise that I might sound (might in fact be becoming) Crazy Dog Lady but I still would not share my toothbrush with either of our dogs, which is my personal benchmark for such things. (Based on someone I once knew.))

Yesterday morning, we were out on a walk a bit earlier than usual. Because of the presence of schoolchildren (and the alarming crossing guards who make Speedy anxious) we walked a slightly different route than we customarily do. I was happily singing a little spring song to them as we turned the corner by the Catholic church. And there was a guy in a monk's outfit in a little meditation garden facing the street. I'm no expert in Church garb, but this sure seemed like traditional brown monk type robes I'd expect at the Renaissance Faire. He looked up coldly at me and I stopped singing. Then I nodded and said good morning, and kept walking.

And then, half a block further down the street, both Speedy and then The Boss decided to poop on the grass in front of the church's office building. I picked it up of course but couldn't help but feel like there was some judgment going on.

Friday poetry blogging

I have rarely (if ever) participated in Friday poetry blogging, because I'm usually overwhelmed by the choices. How can I pick one poem? How can I answer when someone asks me what my favorite novel is? These questions undo me. But I've been dipping into other people's Friday poetry blogs and enjoying all that I've been reading there. So here goes.

This is Sonnet XXV from Dante Gabriel Rossetti's The House of Life series (1870).

WINGED HOURS.

Each hour until we meet is as a bird
That wings from far his gradual way along
The rustling covert of my soul,—his song
Still loudlier trilled through leaves more deeply stirr'd:
But at the hour of meeting, a clear word
Is every note he sings, in Love's own tongue;
Yet, Love, thou know'st the sweet strain suffers wrong,
Through our contending kisses oft unheard.

What of that hour at last, when for her sake
No wing may fly to me nor song may flow;
When, wandering round my life unleaved, I know
The bloodied feathers scattered in the brake,
And think how she, far from me, with like eyes
Sees through the untuneful bough the wingless skies?

I did it!

Last night I completed the Bikram challenge! 60 consecutive days of Bikram yoga.

The strangest thing about finishing the challenge is that now it seems ordinary to go to yoga every single day. I do remember that five or six months ago I thought that 3 or 4 days in a row was the maximum I could do without needing a day off. Obviously, that's not true. I also used to think I was maintaining a regular practice with 4 or 5 days total a week. I think my standards have now been raised. I know I can do more.

What else happened during the challenge?

My yoga improved. I gained strength, balance, and flexibility. In yoga as in other exercise, I've found that you improve for a while, then you hit a plateau, then eventually start improving again. Doing the challenge bumped my practice up to another level. I'm still very aware of all the poses I struggle with, but I know that overall my practice improved.

My mind improved. I've been a happier and nicer person over the past 60 days. More importantly -- I've had no days of full on depression, which for me is pretty significant. I think I've been calmer in my responses to things. Setting such a clear priority, and making sure that if nothing else happens, I at least get to yoga, helped organize my day, and made me feel that I was accomplishing something. I've been struggling with meeting my goals the past couple of years, and so this feels good.

My body improved. I took my measurements on February 1st, when the challenge started -- I'm glad I did, because now I have concrete evidence of the visible physical changes. My clothes fit differently, and people in yoga class commented on what they saw. But since I live in my body every day, it's easy to become accustomed to it very quickly, and doubt the reality of the change. So, by the numbers: I didn't lose any pounds, but I did lose inches. Chest 3, waist 2 1/2, hips 2, thigh 1.

Bikram questions answered

KF at Planned Obsolescence, who is currently taking yogalates (Yoga plus pilates) classes, is thinking about trying Bikram. She wrote recently:

There’s a Bikram yoga studio just a few blocks from my condo, and I’m seriously considering going there to check it out when I get home. But I’m got certain kinds of anxieties about Bikram, anxieties that I could stand to have dispelled before I go forward with this. Mostly these concerns have to do with the heat: while the studio I’m now attending is heated, class temperatures generally fall somewhere between 80 and 90 degrees, I think, and I can definitely tell the difference between hotter days and less hot days, and between hotter areas of the room and less hot spots. Generally speaking, hotter = more mashed-potatolike feeling at end of class. So this is why I’m concerned: the Bikram place near me says that its studio is heated to 100 degrees, and that’s a hefty number more degrees. Will there be nausea? Danger of passing out? Brain-deadness?

These are good questions, the questions most people have before trying hot yoga. How hot is it really, and will I die? Most Bikram studios are heated to 105 degrees, and humidified to about 40% humidity. The precision with which these conditions are reached depends in large part on the climate of your area (esp with the humidity-- classes in Florida are going to be much more humid than those in Arizona).

Yes, it is hot. You are going to sweat. A lot. Possibly more than you thought you could. It's actually good for you to sweat -- it helps detoxify the body and it is essential to your body's cooling system. Sweat will be running down your face, down your neck, off your fingertips, etc. You don't want to wipe away the sweat during class, not only because it's distracting, but also because leaving it on your skin helps your body regulate its internal temperature.

Every Bikram practitioner has experienced moments during a class when s/he feels pretty awful. As your body is adjusting to the heat and detoxifying, you might occasionally feel a little nausea or dizziness. When that happens, you stand still, kneel down (if the class is doing standing poses) or lie down in savasana. When you feel better, you rejoin the class. During your first class, your main goal is to stay in the heated room. Even if you were just lying down for most of the class and focusing on your breath, you would be gaining health benefits. All certified Bikram instructors repeat these instructions to their students at the beginning of class, and no one is ever asked to do a pose if they feel bad. If you feel bad, you lie still until it passes.

The good news is that even the worst sensations pass fairly quickly. And many students don't feel that way at first -- it might be much further on in your practice, and then you suddenly have a struggling class. Every day is different. This yoga teaches you to be very aware of your body, of how much you slept, what you ate, etc.

There are also some things you can do to make your first few Bikram classes easier:

1. Really, really hydrate yourself for the whole day before class (this is one reason I don't recommend doing a super-early class at first, since most of us don't drink water while we sleep). I aim to drink at least 2 liters of water during the day, 3 or more if the weather is hot, before going to class in the evening.
   
2. Add an electrolyte supplement to some of that water an hour or so before class: a packet of Emergen-C, or ElectroMix (both made by Alacer) is especially helpful, and doesn't have all the sugar of Gatorade. But Gatorade is available at every minimart and drugstore. So if that's what you've got, drink some.
   
3. Plan your eating. The conventional advice is not to eat for 2 hours before class. I think that's true if you have normal blood sugar, a sensitive stomach, and if "eating" means heavy food (a full meal, or meat & fat). For myself -- a vegan with low blood sugar issues -- it's actually important for me to eat a little snack fairly close to class time. Class is 90 minutes long and if my blood sugar is too low heading into it, I'll feel sick. So I eat a banana and some soy milk, or part of a Clif bar, something like that, 30-60 minutes before class. But I wouldn't eat anything that requires significant digestion (broccoli, even brown rice) since you want your stomach to be ready to move. You know already how sensitive your stomach tends to be, and how your blood sugar is. Don't be afraid to tinker a little bit with the conventional recommendations if it works for you. Most people can handle a little fruit before class, and it can help a lot with the lightheadedness in the heat. Bananas and oranges are especially useful for the potassium.
   
4. You'll want to have a liter of water with you in class -- most studios sell water there, but I recommend if you can, to prepare your bottle ahead of time. Freeze a bottle that's half full and then add water to that. You want about half ice, half water -- this will keep your water chilled during the class.
   
5. Don't gulp water -- sip it very judiciously during the water breaks (which occur at set intervals in class). Gulping (esp if it's iced) will make your stomach cramp. The water in class is really for your mind more than your body -- it takes 20-30 minutes for water to be absorbed into your body, so the water you drink during class isn't enough to compensate for what you're sweating out. That's why you have to drink a lot beforehand.
   
6. If you're suffering from the heat, splash some of your water on your neck or on the back of your head during the water break. It's way more refreshing than drinking it!

I love this yoga, and I have experienced first-hand the health benefits that result from regular practice. This system of yoga was designed to heal injuries, improve your alignment, improve the health of your internal organs, and balance the nervous system. It is challenging, no doubt about it. But the effort you put into the yoga is more than repaid in the benefits.

More Bikram questions, anyone?

vs recommendation letters

I'm trying to understand a justifiable rationale for requiring recommendation letters for faculty applying for small grants in the humanities. (as an aside: when scientists apply for grants do they need rec letters?)

I'm not talking about the writing of rec letters for students getting into school, for grad students on the job market, or even for faculty hiring in general, although there are problems in all of those areas too. We all have read (and possibly written) letters that were clearly dashed off in a hurry, written out of a sense of obligation rather than enthusiasm, or simply to get a person out of your office. I mean, really. The most absurd/pathetic applicants for our recent faculty positions (and I'm talking here about people without PhDs, or with degrees in fields not remotely connected to the job, or people whose personal pathologies were visible all over their cover letters) -- all of these people still somehow managed to shake the bushes and get a positive recommendation letter from somebody. Which in and of itself casts some question on the usefulness of the letters. But when you are hiring someone to a faculty line, or accepting someone into your grad program -- you are entering into a longterm relationship with the person. So the idea of getting a letter from someone who actually has met and known the person has some validity, and yes, sometimes the letters can tell you things (like about someone's teaching) that you can't see elsewhere in the file.

But why require letters for small grant programs? (Small in this context means $250- $5,000 -- amounts that most of the scientists I know would sneeze at but which could go a long way in xeroxing money, microfilm money, travel to libraries.) The granting institution/agency isn't going to ever meet the awardee in person. Yes, their name will be attached to published work deriving from the grant period -- but to find out whether someone is a successful published scholar in their field, you have only to look at the cv. The cv lets you know how efficient someone is in getting their work out. The project description gives you plenty of information about the content and significance of the work. It seems to me that letters let the grant committees off the hook of actually having to know anything about the grant field.

More insidiously, the practice of requiring such grant letters reinforces the conservatism and elitism of academe. People with connections to big-name letter writers (who generally came out of top rank programs) get more awards than people without such connections. People in defined conventional areas of study get more awards than people in newer interdisciplinary areas. There's also tremendous unstated workload for those people in positions of power who are asked to write such letters. Their agreement or decline (or delay) serves as a hidden gatekeeping function for The System. The result is that those who have, get more. And those who don't, struggle.

shaping graduate students

I've been thinking a lot lately about how one learns to be a graduate student. I've been rather frustrated with my grad class this term -- I'm afraid it's been really a rather mediocre experience. My students are nice enough, and some of them are bright. But they're just not doing the work, or doing it in the ways that I expect from graduate students.

At the institution where I did my Master's, it was common practice for faculty to hand out lists of secondary readings that were not on the syllabus, not exactly required reading -- but we were expected to read at least some of that material. Those lists were a set of critical signposts, some help with navigating the topics.

At the institution where I did my PhD, it was assumed that we had the skills to come up with our own lists of critical material. It was expected that you did the assigned reading for class, the extra research for your presentations and essays, and additional critical reading just to learn more about the topic. And, too, in order to not feel stupid in class discussion. Yes, it was a competitive culture that had many dark sides. But to be in a room of smart people who are trying to show off how much they've read about a text? Not that terrible a thing. The showing off could be tiresome, but we all did a lot of work, and it paid off.

Now, the department in which I teach is nothing like either of my graduate institutions. We are far from top tier, and our students are a motley bunch. Some are using our MA as a stepping stone to a better PhD program; others need to stay in this region for family or work reasons and need the credentials. Others are pursuing the PhD in order to teach at junior colleges. A small number of our best students get jobs at 4-year teaching colleges. But almost none of them are heading towards a research-intensive career.

Our students aren't professionalized when they arrive, and the culture in the department doesn't seem to be doing a good enough job of it. The graduate student association sometimes holds orientation sessions, and the faculty offer sessions on professional topics like preparing conference abstracts or getting ready for the job market. But no one is telling them how to behave in class.

I should make it clear that I don't expect that my students would behave the way I did when I was getting an MA. Their backgrounds and goals are very different from mine. But, what I do expect is that they come to class ready to discuss the material. That if I give them focus questions, they will at the very least have prepared something to say in response to those questions. I've been trying a whole range of different strategies (focus questions, informal writing, even group work) with only limited success. It's been frustrating to feel that I'm treating them like my undergrads, when I expect much more initiative from graduate students. And I tell them so. I try to make my expectations very clear.

I guess next year I will have to be even more blunt. But should one have to tell graduate students that they actually need to do the reading? That in a seminar you're expected to talk?

new toy!

Sometimes, doing administration pays off.



I had learned from our computer support person that some faculty in my department have both desktops and laptops -- this is not something that's widely known, since there isn't funding for everyone to have two machines. But there is more funding available for computers now than there used to be -- my first PC at the U I had to use for six years, which meant it was pretty well outdated by the time it was replaced. Nowadays we are on a better upgrade schedule, and apparnetly there's enough extra room in the budget to help out some people with special requests.

So I waited until my Chair was feeling indebted to me for some crap administrivia I was taking on -- and then I sent him my request for a laptop, pointing out all the many ways I would use it in the classroom as well as for my research. (I've been stuck using a loaner machine whenever I want to make presentations in class, which is a royal pain).

He approved my request, and then I had to wait for the purchase approval, the UPS screwup, and the installation & setup by our support folks. And today I finally got my new machine!

So I'm blogging from the couch right now, fully enjoying the benefits of our home wireless network. I still have to do a lot to get this machine set up the way I want it, plus copy my bookmarks etc from my desktop(s). But it's going to definitely improve my research, my teaching, and maybe even my blogging!

ewww

In women's locker rooms, especially in situations when you've been all in one class together (as compared with the huge random locker room at my gym), there's frequently some friendly conversation and occasionally the sharing of certain items. I've given away tampons, and received ibuprofen, all in the general friendly spirit of the changing room. Hair elastics seem to be another popular item for losing, offering, or borrowing -- one that I'm exempt from, since I have hair short enough to allow me to reply only with a blank look when someone asked "can I borrow a brush"? That was over 10 years ago, and until today remained the oddest locker room request I'd heard.

But today, as I was getting dressed after my post-yoga shower, a woman who was a complete stranger (not only had I never talked with her before, I'd never even seen her at my studio before) said "would it gross you out if I asked to borrow your deodorant?"

Um, yeah. It would. And did.

I said no, I really couldn't do that, and she seemed to understand, though she complained that she would have to go to work without deodorant. As she zipped up her bag, it got me thinking -- would it have been any different if it was one of the women I talk to at yoga? Deodorant just doesn't seem to me to be something you share. Am I just overly squeamish?

random Saturday night thoughts

Spring break has been wonderful. I'm sorry that it has to end. Though if it didn't, it wouldn't really be "break," I guess.

I'm busy trying to wrap up various house projects this weekend, and get some things ready for the remaining weeks of the semester. There are few things more draining for me than sorting through piles of paper. When it's all shredded, recycled, filed, or acted upon, I'll be really happy. But right now I'm still in the dreary stages of picking up each document and figuring out what needs to be done with it.

Today was day 46/60 on the yoga challenge!! I'm excited because in the last few days Standing Bow, which used to be one of my favorite postures, and then became one of my really struggling ones, has started to be fun again. One of my teachers made a comment about how to visualize your kidneys in the pose and it all started to work so much better.

I got to play with a super cute puppy last night -- the easiest and most fun dog rescue ever. I came home to find this adorable puppy in my driveway. Her tag had two phone numbers and the explanation that she was deaf. I got her playing with our dogs in the yard, and then started phoning. Turned out that her person was out of town, and had left her puppy with her brother & sister in law -- they do spaniel rescue and live across the street from me. But puppy Abby was tiny enough to squeeze through a gap in their fence while they were out for dinner. It was an interesting night for Speedy, who we still call "puppy" even though she's now 3. She took on a big dog role in teaching the puppy a couple of her favorite games, and also in "protecting" me when the puppy tried to climb my leg. The Boss behaved herself quite well, though she's not a big fan of little puppies. She kept demanding that I or Speedy play with her, instead. But everyone enjoyed the long playtime.

We saw 16 Blocks and thoroughly enjoyed it. Ultraviolet was a disappointment. Waiting for my gf to come back from a trip away so we can check out V for Vendetta.

all those hours down the drain

Well, the latest news from my Chair is that, after countless hours of faculty effort (reading files, discussing files in meetings, interviewing candidates, lunches and city tours, etc, etc), we won't be successfully completing one of our searches. There are few things worse for department morale than a failed search. Just as a successful search can energize and bring people together in a renewed vision for a particular area or subfield, a failed search can reinforce suspicion, negative attitudes, and a sense of defeatism.

In this case, I really don't see that it was the fault of anyone in my department; competing offers and candidates' personal situations are outside our control. And there is only so far that we can get our Dean to match competing offers -- we are a public institution and inevitably have fewer resources than some other places. It's frustrating to know that there were probably other good candidates out there who somehow didn't get onto our short list. One of the sad things about doing searches is that you see the awful consequences of the overproduction of PhDs up close.

A failed search does nobody any good. Certainly not my department. We all have to retreat and lick our wounds and somehow figure out how we're going to go about this again next year. It's such a draining process under the best of circumstances -- this will make it even more difficult to get good people to volunteer their time to the hiring process.

Myers Briggs reworked and in color

So I took the personality test that NK did, but came up with a much less beautiful color bar:

Reserved Analyst

I'm a big Myers-Briggs fan, having taken the full test twice in workplace situations and learned a lot from it. This test doesn't exactly tell me anything new about myself -- but because it tracks a few more variables as you work your way through the questions, the results (especially the comparative ones*) are interesting. Plus, the question formats are great -- slider bars and grids you can use rather than simple multiple choice. An interesting interface, in general.

*The comparative results, apparently based on a sample of 30,000 test takers, told me, among other things, that 70% of test takers were less masculine than me; 98% felt they had less agency than I do; and only 2 % are less spontaneous than me.

new perspective

One goal for this break is to work on my sleep debt. I managed about 25 hours over the past two nights. Which leads to my new rule:

After 15 hours of sleep, everything seems better.
After 25 hours of sleep, everything seems GREAT.

No, really, even picking up dog poop this morning seemed like not a bad chore. I was breathing! outside! the sun was shining!

[Don't worry, cynicism and complaints will return soon enough. ]